Pat Travers

Pat Travers

Pat Travers


Title
MrTrav
Location
Ireland

Recent Submissions

Pat Travers submitted media.

What I'm Trying To Say by Pat Travers

Matthew Linsky

I wasn't sold until the melismatic pre-chorus, which is easily the strongest part of the song. The chorus, while melodically adept, is a bit too pitchy for my taste. I totally get that the "rawness" of the performance was a focus in the studio, but with such a tight rhythmic performance through a sparse arrangement I feel as though it's a stylistic clash.

Also, I'm into the fact that you hit the chorus so much, but I'm afraid it's a bit too much. Throw a more defined bridge in there to spice things up - perhaps by reworking the melody in the pre-chorus?

simon illa

Pat
This is a song with a lot of potential.  It's got a very good pop feel.
Lyrically, I think it could be polished up a bit in the chorus and maybe even have some harmonies or background vocals to lift the dynamics a bit.  The melody is pretty catchy and I don't think some subtle lyrical changes would affect that.  Musically, it is pretty good too.  The production could use a redo but I know that you know the demo version serves as a good picture of what is envisioned for the song.

Definitely something to be pitched to an artist that is a bit older/contemporary.  The publisher angle could be considered however, you should think about finding an artist that can really nail this, polish up the production a bit and then pitch for television or film.

Feel free to contact me with any more questions or thoughts.  Thanks for sharing this!